i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
high people should be assigned attendants
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
