my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
