I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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