i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
