just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
