You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
