i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Who died my cat blue again?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
