i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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