I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
