it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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