btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
