i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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