I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
