Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
