I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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