i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
