3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
