This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We don't watch enough power rangers
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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