His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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