I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
