ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Boobs are out for the taking
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
