areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
