Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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