I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize