I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Randomize
