I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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