I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Randomize
