She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
