and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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