and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
