I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
