"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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