as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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