i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
