So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize