I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
