Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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