i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
