Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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