i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
