I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
