and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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