Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
