look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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