I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
