If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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