i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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