that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
