I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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