I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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