I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
