he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
