Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
