Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
