They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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