wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
