Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
