Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
