So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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