The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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