DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
