I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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