mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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