Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
