Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
